I’m going to get married, I intend to change my life;
I’m going to get married – I am looking for a wife;
In fact I have been seeking one since I was seventeen –
But, oh! I’ve found it very hard to find the right colleen.

For when I’d find a pretty lass would suit me to a T,
I’d make the sad discovery she didn’t care for me;
And when I’d meet a girl I would not wed for any money,
That was the one would marry me – ah, Fate you’re very funny.

And when I’d wed a fair one that could milk and sew and wash,
I’d learn with disappointment deep that she was short of cash;
And when I’d meet a maiden sweet that was not short of pelf,
I’d find her tongue was rather long, proportioned to herself.

And some could ride on bicycles, buy could not milk a goat;
And some could play pianos, but they could not patch a coat.
And some could tell of wonders from Japan to Winnipeg,
But could not tell how long ‘twould take to hatch a turkey egg.

Oh! I was once as fine a boy as ever held a plough,
Or danced a jig or hornpipe – though you might not think it now.
But then I had no house or land, the maidens hearts to charm,
As now I have – and some would lose a man to gain a farm.

I am not old – just fifty, a little less or more;
Pat Burke says I am sixty. I was born the year before
His cousin was transported, in the cutting of the corn;
I guess that I can calculate the time that I was born.

I’m going to get married, I intend to change my life;
I’m going to get married – I am looking for a wife.
I hope you’ll wish me good luck, and my barrow give a shove –
I’m going to get married, not for money, but for love.

Michael Mullin, ‘THE BARD OF FOREMASS’

Foremass Lower, Sixmilecross, Co. Tyrone.